i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
