yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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