i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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