Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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