Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
