the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
