Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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