Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We are two peas in an std pod
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
