i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
