bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
