he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
