Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
