Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize