My room smells like vodka and shame
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
