Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
