He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
