He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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