I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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