My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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