As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
