she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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