Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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