im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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