I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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