my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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