saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
