i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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