when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
