Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Come see our sink grown plant.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
