So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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