i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
