he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
