My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
