ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
