I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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