the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
