Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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