So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
