no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
