just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
