So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
