he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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