I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
