This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Blow job season was short but glorious.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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