I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
