He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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