Duck Duck Cougar?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
