apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
