is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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