I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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