i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
