I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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