I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
