That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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