I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
