I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
