I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize