winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
