When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
