so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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