You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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