We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
