I think I am morally bankrupt
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
