"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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