He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
