Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
