I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
