I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
