I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
