you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
