Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize