Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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