Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
